Oh how I wish I was going to display a bunch of artistic brilliance right here, right now….
~sigh~ Not to be. But I have an update none-the-less!

While I could argue that Kesha Bruce’s In House Residency was too tough to pull off, in truth it could not have come at a better time. The first week + was amazing, then it was down hill, to rock bottom! The good thing about being knocked on your tuckus is the view. I couldn’t figure out why I was butchering paintings with such gusto for weeks on end! Then drawings took a hit. Then I didn’t want to make or do anything in the studio. I didn’t even want to make the drive there. It filled me with dread.

Being away from my very complicated studio arrangement and a good kick in said tuckus from my dear friend Carl Abad set me straight. I was miserable. Spirit was dying inside me. It was time to really move on, find a new studio space and commit to me.

Which is just what I’ve done. May 1.

One day I finally listened, really listened to spirit. Yes spirit, lovely gentle spirit stopped whispering ages ago and she started yelling, screaming some days. I could no longer drown her out, it was time to really figure out what I want. What did that look like now and in the future. Whom did it include – and well what had been outgrown. It was time to stop all that wasn’t working…. time to step back into me. The loud, colourful, playful, potty-mouthed New Yorker, who had gotten put on a shelf for safe keeping when I moved back to Canada to clean up my mess.

It’s taken 7 years to clean up my mess, heal my deepest of deep wounds, love and be loved, get lost – or rather abandoned myself, live in the chaos, pretend, heal, hurt, laugh, dance, sing and scream my way to… Emancipation. What a joyous place to be, emancipated.

As for closing this chapter, moving on to a new live work place, well it wouldn’t have been possible without this step. I am grateful, so grateful for all I’ve gained, lost, experienced and learned in this situation, with a lovely human being… it’s just that our paths are diverged, and it was time to walk on our own.

Big thank yous to far too many to name – you know who you are.

This song by Braids says it all. (Glass Deer)

I found my place in the wishing well
I found my place not feeling well
Now I’m at such great heights here
Now look at me, my dear

Oh, I’m fucked up
Oh, I’m fucked up
Oh, I’m fucked up
Oh, I’m fucked up

I found my place in the wishing well
I found my place not feeling well
Now I’m at such great heights here
Now look at me, my dear

Oh, I’m fucked up
Oh, I’m fucked up
Oh, I’m fucked up
Oh, I’m fucked up

Here, just right here
And it’s all ah

Here, just right here
And it’s all, ah

Oh
Oh

And it’s background
Describing my house
‘Cause God knows,
God knows what I do best